Welcome Back
by chrissel
Summary: Rose Tyler is back in this Universe. But why? And what has she brought with her?
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome back**

**Chapter one – An unexpected visit**

He's head and shoulders under the TARDIS console, fixing the dimensional stabilizers - again - when he hears it. A whoosh, followed by a thump, then an "oomph", and finally a clunk.

"What?"

He pushes himself out from underneath the console and looks across the control room to where the unexpected noises came from. And then freezes.

Because there, on the floor, is the one person he should never be able to see again. Universes should be collapsing. The end of everything - again. But, even knowing there must be trouble with a capital T following close behind, his hearts still leap madly at the sight of her. Although to be honest, unconscious isn't really one of her best looks. Which, he thinks ruefully, is a shame, considering how often she wears it.

He jumps to his feet and crosses the distance between them in three long strides.

"Rose? Can you hear me?" He gently slips his hand under her head and lifts it, just a bit. She's still breathing. No obvious damage - no blood or signs of trauma. She's wearing jeans and a jumper and lying next to her on the floor is a large, black duffel bag. He relaxes as she starts to stir in his arms. Her eyes begin to flutter open.

"...Wha...?"

"Shh," he murmurs. "Sit still for a minute. You've had a bit of a jolt."

"John?" She's still not focused. She blinks once, twice, and looks around. She takes stock of her surroundings and her head seems to clear again. She looks at the Doctor with a smile tinged with just a touch of sadness. "Ah. Doctor. Hello."

"Hello yourself," he says with a quiet smile. "Are you quite sure you understand what I mean when I say something is impossible? I only ask because it seems every time I say something's impossible, you turn around and prove me wrong. I'm beginning to think I need to look up the definition again. Did I ever tell you I spent some time with Samuel Johnson when he was writing his dictionary? Interesting chap, bit of a braggart, but the man knew his words. Marvelous writer. Lots of people think he invented the dictionary, you know but…" He trails off with a distracted pull on his ear.

She gives him a little laugh, and rubs at the back of her head. "Good to see you again too."

He pulls her into a tight hug. He had been so sure when he dropped the three of them off in Bad Wolf Bay two months ago that it was the last time he'd ever see her. Then he'd lost Donna. He'd worked hard those two months to push his loneliness deep into the back of his mind so it wouldn't drive him crazy. He hadn't wanted anyone around him for a long time. Just dealing with other people had been too much. His loneliness had wrapped itself around him like a stiff blanket - smothering but not comforting. Surprisingly, Jack had been the one to start to break him free from it. Something about the past few centuries had given him a knack for seeing through the Time Lord's defenses. He was nowhere near healed but he had been heading in the right direction. Until now… "Oh, it i is/i good to see you."

They spend a few minutes sitting that way, neither one wanting to move, and then he asks nonchalantly, "So... er… not to spoil the reunion or anything, but you'd tell me if the universe was collapsing again… Yes? Um. Not that this isn't lovely, don't get me wrong. This iis/i lovely. Best surprise I've had in … well… ever, really, now that I think about it. Most of my surprises tend to be of the more iunpleasant/i variety. But, you know… I'd hate to think we're just sitting here while planets are burning, puppies are being lost down wells, or, well… whatever the latest in evil overlord plans might be?"

He pulls back just a bit to look her in the eyes, and she completes the motion by sitting back even more and pulling her knees to her chest. The way she's looking at him makes him feel like she's been dying of thirst and he's the water. He wonders briefly if he's looking at her the same way.

"Nope! No collapse, no danger, no evil overlords. It's all safe this time around, even for puppies, far as I know. He made sure of that." She seems to have found what she's looking for in her inventory of him, and begins to look around the control room instead.

"He?" The Doctor knows who she means, but asks anyway, with an expression carefully guarded to give nothing away.

"John. That's what he called himself. Doctor John Noble." She looks back at him at this to gauge his reaction to the choice of name.

He smiles broadly when he hears the name. "John Noble. Ha! Excellent choice. Donna'd like that."

"And i_much_/i more original than Smith," Rose teased.

He looks back at her fondly, then his smile fades. "And… so? Where is … John?" He looks around the console room again, just to be sure he didn't miss an unconscious half-human, half-Time Lord lying around, but sees nothing. Part of him is worried that she'd left him alone back in the other universe. Another part of him hopes that's exactly what she did. That she'd come back to him because in the end it was him she wanted, not some substitute. His emotions are running wild and he's trying hard to keep them in check. As happy as he is to see her again, every time they say goodbye another piece of him dies inside. If she's just here for a visit of some sort, he's not sure he's going to have the strength to say goodbye a third time.

She can see the uncertainty in his eyes and wants so much to ease his mind, but she's not ready to give him the whole long story right now. She's had a difficult trip and right now her feelings are still too raw. Even after all these years.

"He's gone" she said flatly, looking away from the Doctor. "He died." His hearts ached at the pain in her words. Her eyes shift back to him and his feelings must have shown on his face because her next words were to reassure Ihim/i. "It's okay. We had a good life – no - a i_fantastic_/i life." At this, she meets his eyes and holds his gaze. "We really did. And when he... died... it was peaceful. In his sleep. Right next to me. It was the best life anyone could ask for. And that's thanks to you, Doctor." Her eyes well up a bit on the last part, and she looks away again.

He watches her carefully as she begins to walk through the room, touching a coral strut here, caressing the control panel there. He can see she's not nineteen anymore, but really, she doesn't look much past twenty-five. Just how long has it been? How can "John" have died peacefully in his sleep after just a couple years? Sure, he was part human, but even that should have given him a good thirty or forty years.

Cautiously, he asks her, "How long…?"

She looks pensively at him, and gives him that sad smile again. Oh - her eyes look so much older… and sadder than they had the last time he had looked into them. "Longer than you might think." Her eyes no longer meet his. "But really, can we talk about it later? I promise, I'll tell you everything. Just… not now, okay?" She straightens her legs and pulls herself up to stand, stretching cramped muscles.

"Now, what I need more than anything else is a rest, a hot shower and a cup of tea. In that order." She looks down and takes a deep, almost nervous breath. "Is that okay? Can you put me up for a while?"

Does she really have to ask? He doesn't know everything that's going on, but seeing her like this pulls at his hearts. Deciding to push his questions back for the time being, he puts a smile on and jumps nimbly to his feet. "Kip, shower, cuppa. Your wish is my command. Wellll… When I say wish, really I mean request. And by command, I suppose I mean happy to oblige. Don't want you to think you can go around issuing commands or anything. Anyway! Your old room is still the way it used to be. A bit dustier than you may remember it – it's been a while after all. Not quite sure where it is at the moment, but I'm sure we'll find it." He bends over to pick up the large duffel bag she arrived with and slings it over his shoulder. He holds out his elbow to her. "Madam, may I show you to your quarters?"

Rose gives him the brightest smile he'd seen from her yet, and he is suddenly glad that he hadn't pressed her for more answers. She takes his arm and replies, "Why, yes sir. You certainly may."

As they walk arm in arm, companionably through the hallway toward her room, he tries to keep his concern from showing. She is obviously different from the Rose he had left on the beach that day, the day he had given away the one thing most precious to him to what he had hoped would be a better life. The worry and curiosity are eating away at him. He knows what that decision cost him; what did it cost her? Had it all been a mistake? But he intends to respect her wishes, and let her get her bearings around her before he pushes. He's never been able to deny her when she'd asked for something in the past; he wasn't about to start now. Not when she'd lost so much already.

Her room is closer than either of them had expected. When they get to the door, he opens it and lets her enter first. She walks in and looks around, slowly taking in all the familiar details. "It's just like I remember it." She lovingly fingers a glass paperweight they had bought together in another life.

"Hmm, so it is. And not too dusty either. The TARDIS must have spiffed it up for you. You always were her favourite."

"Quite right too," Rose says, with a secret smile and an affectionate look toward the walls and ceiling. "We have a connection like no one else, don't we, girl?" The Doctor frowns at this reminder of what Rose had done to save him from the Daleks on the Gamestation. Does Bad Wolf have something to do with how and why she's here now?

There is much more going on than Rose is letting on. He can feel it. He can smell it. Something… something… something just on the corner of his brain that he can't quite reach. He gives her a questioning look, but says nothing, and puts her duffel on the bed.

She puts back the paperweight and turns to him. "I didn't even think to ask – are you travelling alone? I'm not gonna get in the way or anything -"

"No!" he answers too quickly. "I mean, no, you're not in the way of anything. And, no, I'm not travelling alone. Well, not right now anyway. Jack's with me - helping with some repairs. He's out in the market outside right now trying to find a new part for the dimensional stabilizer. Should be back in an hour or two." He pauses for a minute. "Is that okay? If you want I can bring him back to Cardiff…"

She smiles. "No, Jack being here is fine, 'course it is. I've missed him. We've got a lot to catch up on. Tell him I'll see him when I get up, okay?"

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

He slips his hands in his trouser pockets and casts his eyes around the room looking for something else to say.

"Okay then! Anything I can get for you before your kip? Tea? Biscuit? Maybe one of those chocolate ones you used to love before bed? Think I've got some in."

"Thanks, but no." She gazes longingly at her bed, just the way she left it with the pink duvet and lace-trimmed pillows. "I'm knackered. I just want to lie down and sleep for year."

He looks up sharply at that. He knows she's joking but he certainly hopes she isn't planning on sleeping Itoo/I long. He isn't sure his curiosity is going to hold out the eight hours humans normally need, let alone much more than that. But she gives him a knowing look and says, "It's okay. I'm just exaggerating. I just need a rest and I'll be good as new, alright? And I promise, all the answers you want as soon as I get up. Is that okay?" Again she asks that. She sounds so worn down that his hearts give in just a little. How could he say no to that?

Softly he answers, "Of course it is. Get some sleep and I'll have tea waiting when you're ready. Just call me if you need anything." He gives her a gentle kiss on the top of her head, squeezes her hand, and walks out the door, closing it behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – in which explanations are given**

Eleven hours later, and while night and morning don't technically exist in the TARDIS, the Doctor and Jack are in the TARDIS galley having what would be described anywhere else as breakfast. Although, as Jack continues to pester him, the Doctor is beginning to wish he'd stayed in the console room and just had a banana.

"Like I told you last night Jack, she didn't say; I didn't ask."

"How can you not have asked? People don't just appear out of nowhere. Not into the TARDIS. Not without some sort of explanation." Jack has been repeating the same incredulous questions since the Doctor told him about finding Rose. The Doctor has moved beyond patient and is now firmly entrenched in annoyed. Particularly because people appearing out of nowhere i_is_/i something that happened in the TARDIS with disturbing regularity. Never used to be that way. Used to be the TARDIS walls were impregnable; he's not quite sure when that all changed. He looks around at the walls with concern as Jack continues to pace about and ask questions he doesn't have answers to. Perhaps he should take apart the ionic dampeners and replace the filter? Although where he's going to find a replacement filter is a bigger problem. Oh well, maybe it's for the best. If the dampeners had been working, Rose would not have been able to get in. He sees Jack looking at him expectantly and realizes he's waiting for an answer.

"She said was tired. She needed rest. She'd just crossed dimensions - who knows how - to end up unconscious on the floor of the console room. I wasn't about to start grilling her for details. Besides, she said she'd explain everything when she got up," he snapped.

"Maybe we should…" Jack tries again.

"No, we shouldn't," the Doctor retorts sharply. "She'll get up when she's rested, and not a minute before. Your curiosity – and mine – are just going to have to wait." Honestly, he's having a hard enough time keeping his own curiosity in check without needing to settle Jack down like an eager puppy.

"S'alright," comes a voice from the doorway. "Didn't mean to get everyone worked up." She is standing with one hand on the doorway, the other unsuccessfully combing the bird's nest of her hair with her fingers. "It's just that it's a long story, and you wouldn't believe how tired I was. Knew if I did start talking, you'd never let me stop."

"Rose!" calls Jack gleefully. "Welcome back, honey! How are you feeling?" The Doctor moves towards Rose but Jack jumps up and gets to her first. "Did you get enough rest? Do you want something to eat? Some tea? Coffee? And, oh – what the hell is going on?" Jack continues. Then, seeing the look on the Doctor's face, he quickly adds, "When you're ready to tell us, of course, Sweetheart."

Rose laughs, gives Jack a big hug. "Good to see you too, Jack!" She squeezes him tightly and he lifts her off the ground, twirling her round.

"For someone I'm never supposed to be able to see again, I've got to say, I'm glad you keep popping up!" Jack puts her down gently, and the Doctor pulls her into a – slightly gentler – hug of his own.

"Good morning, Rose Tyler." He grins at her. "I believe tea is next on your to-do list?"

She smiles at him; a real smile this time, with very little of the sadness that had haunted her eyes the night before. "Please iGod/i yes! I feel like I've slept for days. How long was I sleeping?"

"Just over eleven hours," the Doctor replies, releasing her reluctantly from the hug. He turns to put the kettle on and begins pulling out the things he needs – a teabag, some milk and sugar. He hesitates when opening the cupboard with the mugs in them; there in the back is Rose's favourite mug, oversized, pink with little white polka dots. After staring at it for a second, he takes it out of the cupboard and puts it down on the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil.

"So, I s'pose we'll start with the basics." Rose studies her fingernails intently for a moment, gathering her thoughts (and maybe her courage?). "How long, exactly, has it been for you since I left?"

The Doctor looks at her solemnly, seeing where this is likely heading. "Relative time for me – three months, three days. Jack was back at Torchwood for six months of his time, then came on the TARDIS with me to help with repairs eleven days ago." He pauses for a beat. "And you?"

"Well, I can't be quite that precise," she says with a smile that flashes across her face for just an instant, then is gone. "But it was July when you dropped us off and when I left it was April, so that's what? Ten months?" She looks down again at her cuticles. "That'd make it sixty-two years and ten months, I s'pose."

She pauses to give them both time to digest this news.

"Bad Wolf." This from the Doctor, flatly. His face has grown dark and withdrawn. It has been decades, but she knows immediately where his mind is going.

"Stop it. Now, Doctor, I'm just not having it, so you can just chuck that guilt out right now. I might have been young then, but the decision was mine, not yours." She is standing directly in front of him now - finger poking him in the chest. "You did everything in your power to protect me, and I i_chose_/i to open the TARDIS. I i_chose_/i to come back. Anything that happened because of that is my fault, my responsibility. And I wouldn't change any of it, even if I could." She can see by the way his eyes had closed off that he doesn't believe her.

"You were my responsibility, Rose. Whatever happened, it happened because you were with me. There's no use trying to deny that."

"I'm not denying it, because you're right. It never would've happened if I'd never met you. But if I never met you, Mum and I would've died in the Cyberman invasion. How would that've been any better? I don't expect you to be happy for how things turned out, but you need to accept it. Cause this is the way things are and no amount of brooding or sulking is going to change that. Got it, Mister?"

"I don't sulk," realizing even as he says it that it sounds rather… sulky.

"Right, then. Moving on. Yes, Doctor," - looking at him pointedly - "Bad Wolf left me some surprises. Took a few years for us to notice, though. When you're in your twenties, you don't tend to worry about not looking or feeling any older. I'd heal faster, but I thought that was a leftover of the nanogenes Jack gave me in World War II."

"Nanogenes don't work like that. You need a fresh supply every time you're injured," Jack interjects, speaking up for the first time since Rose had started talking.

"So I found out," she says with a smile. "About two years after I got back, I broke my leg skiing when John and I were on holiday. I told him not to worry about it, that I'd be fine in the morning thanks to my friendly nanogenes, and he nearly took my head off. That was when we first started to realize what had happened." She takes the tea the Doctor offers. "He cancelled our holiday and dragged me back home to Torchwood to run tests."

"Are you like me? I mean – can you... die?" Jack isn't sure what he's hoping her answer will be. Admittedly, having someone to spend the next billions of years with would be a plus, but he isn't about to wish that on someone he cares about.

"Dunno. Never been killed and I'm not in a big hurry to test it out, and it's not the kind of thing that's gonna show up on lab work. All we were able to tell for sure was that my cells are aging, just at a far, far slower rate than they should. According to John's projections, unless something happens, I should live another six or seven hundred years."

"How did you end up here – back in the TARDIS?" This is from the Doctor. He looks as if he wants to change the subject from her semi-immortality on to safer ground. But if that is his intention, it doesn't work out the way he'd planned.

"Once John understood what had happened he started planning for the future." She looks at the Doctor, wondering how he'll react to what she's about to say next. "He knew better than most what I was looking at, and he wanted to give me the option to avoid it, if that's what I wanted. It took him four years of working on what he called his 'secret research project'." She laughs and leans back to stare at the ceiling. "To be honest, I thought he was trying to grow another TARDIS. I was an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. I don't know what I would have done if I'd known what he was really doing all that time. As it was, when he told me he had rebuilt the dimension cannon to send me back to you, I slapped him and kicked him out to the couch for a week."

Jack laughs at this, but the Doctor understands exactly what John had done. "He didn't want you to have to watch everyone you loved die."

"No, he didn't," she replies softly. The Time Lord across the table looks so much like the man she'd spent decades loving, touching. It was hard to see him and not be able to reach out to him the way she was used to - to comfort and be comforted.

"But," she continues in a firmer voice, "It still was a daft idea and I told him so. I told him if he thought I was going to leave him just because I was likely to outlive him, he needed to start using the human half of his brain instead of the Time Lord half for a change." She's reflexively fingering a simple band on her finger that the Doctor is just noticing now.

"Losing people you love is hard," she continues, "but it's the price you pay for loving in the first place. Whether I lost him then or in thirty years, it was still going to hurt. I'd just as soon get as much value out of it as I could, thank you very much." When she looks up at him he sees the anger and passion in her eyes and for all the decades she's lived and troubles she's faced, at heart she's still the spirited teenager he remembers.

"It took him a while – and I don't think he ever actually accepted my choice – but he did stop pestering me about it eventually. It was only at the end, when he knew time was running out, that he brought it up again. He made me promise I would use it after he was gone. I wouldn't do it." She looks the Doctor in the eye, as though pleading for him to understand. "I didn't want to believe I was really going to lose him – and I knew he wouldn't let go until he knew... But he kept getting so upset." Her eyes were welling up and she got up to pace around the room. "I was worried if I didn't agree, it would make him sicker. I couldn't..." She pauses and clears her throat which has suddenly gotten thick. "So I said yes."

Jack looks at her sadly. "How long has it been? Since you lost him?"

"Thirteen years," she replies, then adds with just the hint of a wry smile, "I never did say i_when_/i I was going to use it. At first, it was just too hard. Everything was too raw. Then I got settled in my routine – work, eat, sleep, repeat." She thinks back to those numb days. Time had moved so fast, and yet, hadn't seemed like it had moved at all.

"Before I knew it years had passed and I was sitting at Tony - my brother - sitting at his funeral. Realized that everyone I'd known when I came into that world was gone. That's when I knew it was time." Oh - how hard that was. Leaving Torchwood was easy - they all thought she was a bit of a freak anyway. But giving up the house she had shared with John. The chair he'd sit in when he was tinkering. That place under the wallpaper where he'd written "JN hearts RT". Those thousand bits and pieces that make up a lifetime.

"I packed up a few of the important things – pictures, mementos, stuff like that, pushed the button and voila! Here I am." She tries, unsuccessfully, to end the story on cheerful note.

Jack and the Doctor just sit there in silence, taking in all that she has told them. Rose seems to understand that they need some time to process it all. She drains the last of the tea from her mug and puts it in the sink. "Now, I'm gonna go have a shower, if it's all right with you boys. Back in a bit."

She walks back down the hallway to her room, her mind a universe away. Over the past thirteen years, she's learned how to get through the day without feeling like the biggest part of her soul had been ripped out, but reliving it all this morning for them has reopened all the old wounds. She can vividly recall every single moment they'd had together, but in her mind, she sees John as he was later in life, a little wider around the middle, a little more distinguished-looking, his thick hair gone to grey. Seeing the Doctor, looking like John, but not like she remembered him has left her feelings in turmoil. She needs some time to get herself together too.

She enters her room and picks up her duffel from where the Doctor had laid it on the floor the previous night. She sets it on the bed and begins pulling things she needs out – clean knickers, a bra, t-shirt and jeans. Then her hand touches something coolly metallic. She carefully removes a small, ornately carved cylinder from her duffel and sits on the bed, looking at it with tears in her eyes. She gently brushes her fingers over the symbols on the surface, and then quickly wipes her eyes, placing it carefully on her dresser. She grabs her clothes from the bed and walks determinedly into the bathroom for her shower.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – On Robelon IV

Her mind wanders as she towels herself dry. How long will it take the Doctor and Jack to recover from everything that she has told them? Jack always takes things in stride; she doesn't expect him to have any problems with it all. Oh — he'll be filled with questions, of course. In fact, she's not sure how he managed not to ask her about sex with the Doctor's double already. She's rather proud of his restraint; he must have mellowed over the years. No — it's the Doctor she's worried about. He was barely able to look her in the eye earlier when she told him how Bad Wolf had changed her. She could tell he still felt responsible for what had happened, and she doesn't think that's going to change - no matter how hard she tries to convince him otherwise.

Of course, she's having her own trouble looking at him. Everything about him is a bittersweet reminder of some of the happiest years of her life. His hands, his smile, his eyes. Will she _ever_ really be able to look at him and not see John? She remembers the early days with John, when all she could see was the Doctor. That she's now reliving the situation, but in reverse, seems like someone's idea of a practical joke. One in poor taste, no less.

She knows she's taking longer than she needs to get ready and it's just postponing the inevitable. Time for a mental pep-talk. _You are Rose Tyler. Daughter of Jackie Tyler, the most fearsome woman in two universes. You've held your own against more evil alien nasties than you can count. You can't _possibly_ be afraid of seeing two of the best mates you've ever had. Now get yourself together and shift._ She's not sure that worked, but she quickly pulls on her clothes anyway; it's time to be facing the music. Before she leaves the room, she picks up the cylinder from her dresser and threads the leather cord that it's hanging from over her head, tucking the precious item inside her shirt where it won't be seen.

--

When she passes the galley, she finds it empty. _They're in the control room, then_, she surmises. As she walks the halls towards her goal, she lets her hand brush against the roundels on the hallway walls. She receives a pleasing answering hum, and can't help but smile. Something about this semi-sentient ship has always felt like home to her. Even after decades apart, the feeling has never left her. Now being back feels like she's finally come home. She wonders how much of that is just affection for the ship and how much is the remnant of her experience of holding the time vortex?

She finds her way to the control room and her earlier guess is confirmed. All that's visible of both the Doctor and Jack are feet and legs jutting out from under the console.

"I'm telling you, Jack, it just isn't going to work. I've shaved as much off the side as I can without ruining it completely. There's no way it's going to fit in the space available — we are going to need the smaller size. The size, if you recall, I actually _asked_ you to buy and _not_ the size the shopkeeper pawned off on you. Honestly, it should have been a simple enough task." The Doctor's last sentence trails off into a mutter, frustration evident in his voice.

"As I've told you already, _Doctor_," Jack replies through clenched teeth as he pushes himself out from underneath the console. "_This_ is the only size he _had_. Maybe if you hadn't landed us in the off-season, he would have been better stocked. You can either make do with what you've got, or set us down in another marketplace so we can get the size you need."

The Doctor deftly extricates himself from his position under the console. "There's no alternative; this just isn't going to work, so we'll have to find one somewhere else. Robelon IV, maybe?" His face lights up. "I haven't been there in… well, it must be centuries, now. Can it really have been that long? Suppose it must have been; it was at least three regenerations ago… Ooh! I wonder if they still have those little cakes I like?"

Rose can't help but jump in at this point. From her position by the door, she calls out, "Some things never change, then! Promise him cake and he'll take you anywhere, Jack." The Doctor and Jack turn around and the Doctor grins at her.

"Oi! Not true. Well, not entirely true. And not just any cake!" He strides over and takes Rose's arm, guiding her over to the console in much the same way he would have done years ago. She's been back less than twenty-four hours, and he's already fallen into their familiar rhythm of teasing and plenty of physical contact. If he's still brooding about her announcement earlier, he's not letting it show. Reassured, she matches his behaviour and gives him a grin.

"Oh no? Right then. What's so special 'bout this cake then? Ball bearings? Custard center?" She's teasing him but it's been so long since she's seen either him or John running around like a hyperactive schoolboy, she can't help it. It's funny, but even well into his life, John would still get wildly enthusiastic about the smallest things. Seeing the Doctor like this now brings back the best of her memories of both of them.

"Rose!" His face is the picture of delight. "It's a banana cake! And not just tasting like bananas! These cakes are actually _shaped_ like bananas, too! It's just brilliant! I can't think why more civilizations haven't thought this up. Jack!" He whips his head around to face Jack. "When you get back to Earth, you simply _must_ plant the idea in the mind of some struggling baker. He'll make a fortune!"

"No problem, Doc," Jack laughs. "Banana-shaped banana cake. Think I can manage that." He sits down in the chair and puts the cloth he was using to wipe the grease from his hands back into his greatcoat. "But what about the dimensional stabilizer? This place is gonna have one?"

"Oh, that's the best part, we can get banana cake and parts for the dimensional stabilizer on Robelon IV, as long as we land sometime… ooh, say… after the second dynasty and before the fall of King Robelon the Tyrant?" He begins to bounce around the console, flipping switches, pushing buttons, turning dials and throwing levers. "There we are! Twenty minutes 'till cake!"

--

When they arrive, he throws the door open and holds his arm out to Rose. "Welcome to Robelon IV, famous for banana cake and its thriving market in psychic technology!"

The market is just as he'd described. There are many open air booths lining the streets where vendors display their wares. It seems about equally split between what the Doctor describes as 'psychic technology' ("Any kind of machinery or accessories with psychic tendencies, quite a hodge-podge really. Since the TARDIS is a living machine, this is one of the few places in the galaxy with a large range of parts for her.") and baked goods. All of the booths are brightly decorated and the vendors are calling out loudly to the passersby, trying to entice people to come buy from them. Sure enough, within minutes the Doctor has found what he was looking for.

"Ah! Lovely! Rose! Jack! Over here!" Rose rolls her eyes and Jack gives her a wink, but they dutifully stroll over to where the Doctor is paying for three banana—shaped cakes. "Aha! Here you are! One for you..." and he hands Rose the foil-wrapped pastry. "...And one for you, Jack."

"Ta… Ooh, you're right! This is brilliant!" Rose happily chews away. The exterior of the cake is a slightly crusty with a dusting of sugar, but the interior is light and airy and tastes a little like a banana-flavoured angel food cake.

Judging by Jack's face, he isn't so sure. "It's okay, I guess. Not much of a banana fan myself." The Doctor gives Jack a dirty look, but says nothing. The three of them continue to walk the market as they eat, stopping here and there to look for the part for the TARDIS. As they stroll along, Jack stays to talk to one of the merchants and Rose and the Doctor find themselves alone for a moment.

"Rose…" The Doctor is clearly uncomfortable about something. She stops walking to look up at him. "Erm… Well… the thing is… well, I think I should… that is… I'm sorry. For the beach." He's looking anywhere but at her now. "For leaving, that is. Without saying goodbye."

"Ah." She wasn't really expecting _that_. It had been so long ago for her; she keeps forgetting that for him, it has only been a few months. She thinks back to what happened that day. "I turned around and you were gone," she says softly, then after a moment. "You really need to stop doing that."

"What? Leaving you? I don't think I do it all _that_..."

"No, you idiot! Making decisions for me. Thinking you know what's best and not giving me a choice in things. I was angry with you for a long while after that, you know." She's getting worked up now, relishing the chance to tell him off about this. "An' I don't care that it worked out for the best or even if I would have made the same decision in the end, all the same. It's the… the… _paternalistic_ way you do it that I mind. I didn't like it at twenty, and I can tell you, you try it now at my age, I'll like as not slap you!" She's only semi-serious about the last part, but she can see flashbacks of Jackie crossing his mind.

"Point taken."

"And don't get me started on the whole 'Does it need saying' rubbish…" she begins, but just at that moment, Jack walks back up to them. The Doctor looks like he has never been quite so relieved to see anyone in all his lives.

"How's this look, Doc?" He's holding up a vaguely rectangular-shaped black box, less than half a meter long.

"Ah, Jack! Let's see now… The size is good. It's got the right model number here. Yes, this should do splendidly! Well done! Shall we all continue to browse some of these stalls together, then? Yes? Good!" He leads the way deeper into the market, escape clearly on his mind.

Rose watches him walk off, but holds her tongue. _You can run, but time is on_ my _side_, she thinks. _We'll be talking about this sooner or later, don't you worry_.

--

The rest of the afternoon is spent in pleasant conversation and sight-seeing. Jack finds a new leather strap for his wristband, and the Doctor buys several more of the banana cakes to bring back to the TARDIS for later. Rose is amazed at how easy it is to fall back in the same habits; joking around, flirting, holding hands. She's fascinated by the way the Doctor and Jack interact. John explained years ago what had happened on Malcairasso and through the Year That Wasn't, so she knew that their relationship was friendly, but somewhat strained. At least, it had been, when he had left her and John and Jackie on that beach. But it seems to her now that they've made at least a little progress. Jack's joking and flirting with both Rose and the Doctor, and the Doctor is taking it remarkably into his stride.

It must have been her thoughts wandering down this path that keeps her from noticing the three men standing in the shadows at first. One of them is holding a device and pointing it at her. Every time it points in her direction, the beeping intensifies, and the men begin to whisper excitedly.

It's the beeping that catches her notice. She looks over to the dark corner that they had been standing in, and sees them heading towards her purposefully. _Uh, oh. This doesn't look good. _She quickly turns her head to search for the Doctor and Jack, but they're still a couple of stalls back, haggling with a merchant over a spare exhaust filter. Maybe she's misreading the situation? She starts to walk casually toward the stall where the Doctor and Jack are, and then her heart sinks when the men following her break into a sprint.

She calls out and starts to run, but it's too late — the men catch up with her too quickly. She turns to fight — she's used the martial arts training she received from Torchwood plenty of times in her career — but even she can't fight them all off. She kicks one hard enough to keep him on the ground for a while, but the other two swiftly knock her down and drag her into the shadows behind one of the stalls.

She's not quite sure what their intentions are, but she knows she's not going to sit back and take it, not without a fight. Her arms and legs are pinned, but her mouth is free. She takes a deep breath and screams for all she's worth, as the three men resume scanning her with the device that the one she kicked hobbles over with. Her twisting and screaming delays them; but not for long. After a couple seconds, one of them finds what he's looking for, and reaches into her shirt. She struggles even harder, but he still finds and pulls out the cylinder that had been hanging around her neck.

As he rips it off of her, her heart stops. She'd willingly give up a purse or watch to a mugger, but never this. In a panic, she kicks out with a strength she didn't know she had. "NO! NO! You can't have THAT! It's MINE! GIVE IT BACK!" She's screaming now, hysterical, and manages to throw off one of the men holding her down. The other man holding her lets go, and the three run out into the market, just as Jack and the Doctor come crashing around the corner to investigate her screams.

"They stole it! I have to get it back! I HAVE TO GET IT BACK!" She's barely coherent in her hysteria.

The Doctor grabs her, "Shhh. Rose. Calm down. Are you injured?" But Jack just needs one look at the horror in her eyes, before taking off after her attackers.

Rose tries to follow, but the Doctor holds her back. "Rose!" She's not listening, just fighting him desperately trying to get free. He grabs her face in his hands and forces her to look at him. "Rose! Tell me what's wrong! What did they do? What did they take?"

"You don't understand! We have to get it back! We have to _get it back_!" The Doctor's worry is evident on his face; he's never seen her in a panic like this.

"What _is_ it?"

"It's… it's… a Lendillac cylinder." His jaw drops. She takes advantage of his shock, breaks free, and chases after Jack.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – The Lendillac Cylinder

Rose runs wildly through the market, looking for Jack or the men who had attacked her. She hears muffled shouting coming from behind a stall selling some sort of tapestries and quickly follows the sounds.

When she gets to the alley behind the stall, she finds Jack actively fighting off all three of them at once. He's still standing, but they are clearing getting the best of him. When the leather-armed goons are knocking him about like a fooball, Jack suddenly sits back and begins to take it. The ruffians are surprised but aren't going to let a good thing pass them by. Jack, on the other hand, has caught the eye Rose has been throwing his way. While Jack is getting soundly thrashed by all three of them, Rose, with the advantage of surprise, is able to knock the one closest to her to the ground with a well-placed kick. He tries to get up again and fight back, but Rose is ready with a what appears to be a construction pipe of some sort. The minute he lifts his head, she conks him a good one and he goes down for the count. _All right girl, one down, two to go. They've got no clue who or what their dealing with. But they're about to find out!_

The surprise now gone, the two thieves left standing split up. The bigger one takes on Jack, who is no longer holding back, while the shorter one begins circling her with a cold glare. Jack's opponent is not the brain child of the operation. He allows Jack to manipulate him so his back is to Rose and the man she's facing. Rose's opponent is busy watching her and preparing to strike, so that when Jack has finally lined up the man he's dancing with into the perfect alignment, he knocks the man back with such force that he takes out the man facing Rose at the same time. They both fall to the floor in a slump, just as the Doctor arrives on the scene.

As the men lie in a hump in a dusty corner of the room, Rose suddenly focuses on the reason behind the entire incident — from the mugging to the chase to the physical altercation. The panic she felt earlier had been displaced by the adrenaline caused by the fight. But now that that situation has been sorted, the terror is starting to weave its way back through her consciousness.

In desperation, Rose begins pawing through the clothing of the thief who had grabbed her necklace from her earlier. When she doesn't find it on him, she rushes over to the next nearest hoodlum and tears through his clothing, her panic mounting. When she finds what she's looking for, she holds it tightly to her chest and sits on the ground, breathing deeply.

"I'm an idiot," she's muttering, more to herself than to Jack or the Doctor. "He said machinery with psychic tendencies and I never even thought… I could have just left it, would have been perfectly safe in the TARDIS, but no, I had to go and… It never even occurred to me…why didn't I think? How many years have I been doing this? Might as well be 19 again.… I'm an idiot, a stupid ape… He sure knew what he was talking about all those years ago. God! How could I be so thick?."

"Rose? Rose, what's going on?" Jack is eying her warily, as if one wrong word might send her over the edge.

"We need to get back to the TARDIS _now_, Rose." The Doctor is the only one eyeing the unconscious men on the ground, and he's doing it warily. They aren't stirring yet, but it's only a matter of time, she realizes. She pushes herself back away from them, only now noticing just how close to the theives she still is, and gratefully takes Jack's hand as he helps her up. She can see the confusion and concern in his eyes How is she supposed to explain her behavior?

"You okay, Rose?" Jack asks as he lifts her to her feet. "Who are these guys? And what'd they want with your necklace?"

"Later." The Doctor answers for her briskly. "First, back to the TARDIS — it's not safe here. They won't be the only ones out for that, Rose." He softens his voice for her; she still looks a touch shell-shocked. "We need to go now." He's insistent and she knows he's right. Every minute on the surface of this planet fills her with dread.

She nods without looking at him, and allows the two of them to flank her protectively as they walk back into the marketplace, warily heading toward to where they had parked the TARDIS. The pass each of the market stalls they had seen earlier that day. Rose bitterly aware of how quickly a pleasant afternoon has turned to a near disaster.

Although they're carefully looking out for trouble now, no one seems to be noticing them as they make their way quickly to the TARDIS. When they get there, the Doctor unlocks the door, then stands back to let Rose go in first. With a final look over his shoulder, Jack follows the two of them in.

--

"So… Anyone want to let me in on what's going on? Why'd those men attack you, Rose?" Jack leans against a coral strut, arms crossed in front of him.

But as Rose looks at the Doctor, she can see that he seems to understand more about what's happening than Jack does. "Is that what I think?"

"Mmm hmm. Probably." She knows the time has come — she truly had hoped this was something she could have had more time to think about before she told them. Years, preferably. But that isn't to be so she sits resignedly on the bench seat by the center console and steels herself for the explanations to come.

"It was daft for me to bring it out there. It just never occurred to me it could be a target." She fingers the charm on the chain that she has now replaced around her neck. "I've carried it with me just about everywhere I've gone for the past thirteen years because I couldn't risk losing it. In all that time, no one's ever given it a second look." She barks out a harsh laugh. "But of course, I was just walking about London — my London anyway." She strokes the center console. "My mistake was wearing it outside here. It would have been safe on the TARDIS. I should have realized…if I had just thought…" She clears her throat. "But I didn't' and we all saw what _that_ lapse of judgment nearly cost me."

"I'm sure it's been safe enough back on Earth, Rose. No one there would look at it twice." The Doctor leans back against a coral strut. "But I'm afraid this isn't the only planet where someone could recognize that psychic signature and try to take it. We were lucky this time." Rose looks away, realizing just how lucky they truly were. The desire to comfort her is written all over her face, but he steels himself to continue. "These thieves relied on brute strength and you and Jack were just barely able to best them. You're can't always count on being that lucky. If one of them had a weapon…"

"I know, I know… I can't risk letting it out in the open again."

"You haven't answered my question, you know." She can see he's not going to let this go. Not that she ever thought he would. Even though she's sure he has a pretty good idea of just what's in this cylinder, he needs her to tell the story.

Rose takes a deep breath to steel herself for what's to come. She's had decades of experience dealing with both aliens and bureaucracy, but facing her friends with the most personal story of her life — this she's new at. She looks at the Doctor, then at Jack. "Right then. S'pose you two are wanting the rest of the story." She pats the seat beside her. Maybe if she treats it like the bedside stories she told Tony all those years ago, it'll go easier. "Come on then, make yourselves comfortable." Jack crosses the room to sit next to her; the Doctor smiles gently and begins pushing the buttons that will take them into the vortex.

"Once upon a time, when me and John were working for Torchwood, we got called out to a crash landing." She's trying to make light of the story by pasting a smile on her face and patting Jack's hand, but it's not working entirely. "It was a single man craft, and the only occupant was already dead when we got there. John recognized him, from the memories he had in this universe as a Lendillian." She looks at the Doctor. "He said you had spent some time on their planet centuries ago when one of their governor's got a bit full of himself?" She looks at him for comfirmation.

The Doctor nodded, then added, "What was he doing that far from home? Their home galaxy is billions of light years from here."

"We never did find out." She turns to address the next part to Jack. "John explained to me the way these Lendillians learned how to live, practically forever. They use this combination of cloning and some kind of memory transfer. See, when they start getting old, they choose a new body from a.. a… clone-shop kinda place." She looks to the Doctor to confirm what she's saying. He nods.

"Close enough. It's actually called a Life Form Generator and Storage facility. But 'clone-shop' sums it up nicely."

"So the clone-shop puts this body they choose on hold for them, til they need it. Then the important part is this. They all have one of these containers." - She holds up the one they got back from the thieves earlier - "They look like plain old carved metal cylinders, but they have some sort of low-level psychic field built in to them."

"And this one belonged to the Lendillian you found at the crash-site?" Jack reaches out to hold the cylinder. Rose pauses for the briefest of moments, before handing it to him for inspection.

"Yeah — as long as it's touching their skin when they die, all their memories transfer into it. Only this guy had really bad luck, I suppose. 'Cause the thing got ripped off his neck in the crash, and he wasn't touching it when he died."

Jack finishes turning the object over in his hand and gives it back to her. It's incredible the relief she feels just having it back in her hands.

"So when John found it, it was empty," she continues. "It wasn't something he thought Torchwood should have — honestly there wasn't much he _did_ think they could be trusted with — so he kept this, along with anything else he could get away with, in his private vault. After thirty years, he almost needed a warehouse." She smiles fondly.

"Obviously," the Doctor chimes in from where he's resting against the console. "Only thing worse than a bureaucrat is a bureaucrat mucking about with things they couldn't possibly understand." Rose smiles at the idea of him basically agreeing with himself.

"While I'm not surprised at your opinion, Doctor," Jack drawled, "I'll try not to take it personally."

The Doctor snorted, clearly not concerned about any hurt feelings on Jack's part.

"He got rid of it all eventually. When he… you know… was getting older." She shuts down a bit as the memories turn melancholy. "Didn't want to leave it for me to clean up, he said. I assumed that was just one more thing he got rid of. Never really thought about it again after we found it — just another piece of alien junk to me." A wry smile flits across her face as she thinks about how no matter how close they got over the decades, there were still areas in him that were a mystery to her.

"But I suppose he never forgot about it. I've wondered since if he'd been planning it all along,since the day we found it. Or maybe he only thought about it again when he was clearing out the vault. Because the next time I saw it, was the day he died."

"He was holding it… in his hand… when he died." She meets both their eyes, unshed tears shining in her own. "He never warned me about it or anything, just went ahead with what he thought best, just like always."

Jack's mouth drops open in shock as the implications sink in, but the Doctor's expression is unreadable.

_To be concluded..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Epilogue**.

Jack has gone off to bed, but not before making Rose retell the story over again – twice – not to mention peppering her with questions. Although the Doctor was clearly not happy with the way Jack was giving Rose the third degree, Rose didn't mind. She answered all the question she could, for both of them. The problem was she really didn't have many answers. John had died without explaining why he had done what he did.

The Doctor and Rose were now sitting alone in the quiet dimness of the console room.

"Well?" Rose asks. The Doctor says nothing, just raises an eyebrow at her.

She's been waiting a long time for an answer. Maybe it won't come directly from the source, but he's about as close to the source as she can get, "Doctor, If there's anyone in any universe who knows why he did this, it's you. So…" Her face searches his as if he alone can answer everything.

His deep brown eyes meet hers for a brief second before she makes herself look away. She sees an answer there; the answer she's always suspected, she's just never been ready for it. "Rose. I think we both know what he intended." He's trying to be gentle; taking her through this slowly, one step at a time. "The question really isn't why, is it?" He scratches at the back of his neck and she marvels yet again at the similarity in their mannerisms. "That part's pretty obvious," he continues and with an effort she pulls her attention back to what he's saying. "The question is whether it's something you want. This is irreversible. With the relationship you and John had… It has to be your decision."

This is the last straw for her. This is what she has suspected and kept denying all along. Hearing him say it is enough to finally snap her patience and all the frustration she's been keeping pent up for so long comes pouring out. "It ican't/i be my decision Doctor! Don't you see? How am I supposed to ask you to do this? It's…it's… I don't know! It's practically obscene!" She's shouting now; she can't help it, the dam has broken. "What kind of a decision is that? What kind of arrogance?" She turns the full Jackie Tyler brand of wrath on him. "Oh – I'll tell you – I spent iyears/i furious with him for this after he died! The both of you! Years! Why - iwhy/i do you both feel it necessary to decide what's ibest/i for me? I'm sick of it! Do you really think I'm that stupid? That I don't deserve to be consulted on things this important?" She is storming back and forth as she paces in front of him. "Just for once, why couldn't you – I mean ihe/i - god! – why couldn't he have just talked to me about this? Instead of just dropping it on me when it's too late to argue about it? To ask him why? Why did he do it?"

He steps in front of her and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug. "Shh. Shh. I know. I'm so sorry." She is sobbing now, all the emotion of the past few days catching up to her. The anger and the grief combine and pour out of her in a flood. She clutches the Doctor's lapels, gasping for breath through the tears, then pounds ineffectually on his chest.

"It's not fair! It just isn't! I want him back! I want our life back! And I can't have either! All I have is this damn thing!" She throws it in anger and it flies across the room. The clatter of the cylinder hitting the wall shatters her anger and her heart stops as she realizes what she's done. Quickly, she rushes to pick it back up, cradling it softly. The Doctor walks over and sits next to her as she inspects it for damage.

"No wonder no one trusts me to make decisions," she mutters, "I'm an idiot. A stupid ape, right?" She looks at him wryly as she repeats back the epithet he frequently threw at her in his previous form.

"You're not. And this has nothing to do with trust, Rose. He did this because he loved you; because he didn't want you to be alone. He didn't tell you before he did it because he didn't want you to try and talk him out of it."

"Well of course I would have tried to talk him out of it! Giving you his memories? How is that fair to you or to him? How am I supposed to ask ieither/i of you to do that? You're two idifferent/i people. I get that. I really do. And he's gone now. Giving you his memories is nothing but some selfish way for me to make myself feel better at your expense." She starts breaking down again. "It's wrong." She hiccups through her sobs as she admits, "But I want it so bad. But it's not fair, because I only want it because I love you both so much and that's why I can't let you do it. Do you have any idea what that's doing to me?"

"Rose. Oh, Rose. You really don't see, do you?" He hugs her close to him and cups her face with his hand. "I iwant/i this. Quite badly, actually. Which I'm sure he knew. He and I ended up as two different people, but we started out the same – same feelings, same memories. What made us different were the different experiences we had after we separated. If I take his memories, the ones he's had since we separated, well, I won't ibe/i him because I don't have any of the human DNA he had, but… Oh! How do I explain it?" He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration at the limitations of his ability to explain himself. "When I left you with him, I was leaving you with me, in a way. And… and… it's like a part of me has been missing since then. Giving me his memories – it's like giving me back a part of myself that I've lost. And he knew that, Rose! He knew all of this when he did what he did. One thing you have to understand - In no way would this be a sacrifice for me; quite the contrary, it'd be a gift!

"But it's still your choice, Rose." After baring his soul so completely, he backs off slightly. "It has to be your choice. If this isn't what you want, if it doesn't feel right to you… We can keep the cylinder safe locked up here in the TARDIS or we can destroy it safely." She looks at him in horror. "What's locked up in there isn't him or his soul, Rose, it's just brain waves. Just a data dump. To be used or not. Up to you."

She looks into his eyes intently, as if she looks closely enough she can somehow read his soul. "This really is something you want? You're not just…" She trails off because she knows she doesn't need to continue. The answer is evident in his eyes.

In her heart, she is certain there can only be one path for them now, the one John started them down all those years ago. "Ok, then. If you're sure." She pauses, looking at the cylinder, rubbing it between her fingers one last time, before handing it over to him.

He takes the cylinder from her, almost reverently. "There's just one thing I need to say. iBefore/i we do this, so there can be absolutely no doubt whatsoever from whom it's coming." Without warning, he cups his hand under her chin and lowers his lips down to gently meet hers in a soft, chaste kiss. As he pulls away, he gazes deeply in her eyes and says, "Rose Tyler, I love you. I have from just about the first minute I met you and I have never stopped loving you once in all the years since. Whether we've been together or separated. And if you need time still, to grieve him, I understand. I'm not going to push anything on you that you're not ready for. I will happily continue being best mates with you for as long as you want." He smiles wryly. "We, apparently, have plenty of time and I'm more than willing to wait, decades if needs be. But what I need you to know is that this is ime/i feeling this way, not him, not some artifact of his memories."

She sits there with her eyes half closed and a dazed look on her face. But his next words shake her out of her reverie.

"Now then, allons y," he pulls her to her feet and leads her toward the door to the hallway. "I'm sure I have just what we need to transfer these memories around here somewhere, may take a while to find them, though. Let's go exploring, shall we?"

The end.


End file.
